Innapropriate (Warning: Contains Very Raunchy Subject Matter)

So the conversation about innapropriate crushes came up a few months ago between a group of friends one night and we all explored our insatiable lust for WIERD people. Since then I've found out from several other friends that odd and unlikely crushes are everywhere. Here are a few of my very innapropriate crushes.


Steve Buscemi


So ever since I saw the movie Ghost World (which was a very defining movie and comic book in my youth) I've pretty much had a crush on the nerdiest, most absurd men (and sometimes women). His character, Seymour, a recluse oddball record collector really hit a chord with me. Steve Buscemi is and will always be the quintessential nerdy actor in my heart.

John C. Reilly

I'm not really sure how to justify even this one as an innapropriate crush. But for some gosh darn reason I am completely in lust with John C Reilly. Maybe it was seeing him shirtless in StepBrothers. Maybe it was him as Dr. Steve Brule (even though I'm not a fan of the Steve And Eric Show). All I know is that my crush on him is very innapropriate.

Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman)

I love the show Parks and Recreation. And my favorite part of the show is Nick Offerman's character Ron Swanson. Between the mustache, insatiable hunger for breakfast foods, love of strong women, and chair canning abilities who could ask for more?

Alan Moore

So in case you didn't know, I LOVE comic books. And apparently I love old, crazy, dirty-looking hippy men. In case you weren't convinced by the picture, watch the documentary about him, The Mindscape of Alan Moore, and try to tell me you wouldn't ride that beard silly until dawn.

Robert Smith

I know I have a few friends who agree with me here. Robert Smith could be 100 years old, in a wheelchair, hairless, with a missing testicle and I would still -tap- that. In a heart beat. Robert Smith was such a huge part of my youth and every song from every album has a special place in my life somewhere.

Geoffrey Rush

Dirty. Check. Old man. Check. In historical dress. Check. Watch the movie Quills. See Geoffrey Rush's bare man booty and penis. You'll never be able to watch him in Pirates of the Carribean and not grin.

I'm not very sorry about this blog.

So this is a little blog-poem hybrid monster thats kind of been growing in my head for a while and I finally decided to put it down on the imaginary internet paper notebook that seems to be my blog.

I'm not very sorry that I'm not very pretty and I'm not very sorry that I have too much to say. I'm not very sorry that I don't go to church and I'm not very sorry that I've read the Bible more than most people who do. I'm not very sorry that I'm a bit of a hypocrite and a procrastinator and I'm not very sorry that both seem to fuel each other. I'm not very sorry that I resent wearing make-up and I'm not very sorry that deep down inside I love it. I'm not very sorry that I don't see most issues as black and white and that I exist (or perhaps am drowning) somewhere in the grey murky waters in between. I'm not very sorry that I hate flip-flops. Full stop. I'm not very sorry that I say the word CUNT a little bit too much, even by my crazy extreme feminist standards. I'm not very sorry that when I was a teenager I read too much Nietzsche and Ayn Rand and Dostoevsky than any normal teenager should have read. I'm not very sorry that I'm not very good at art and that I think art just for art's sake is all right. And I'm not very sorry that I'm a little bit pretentious and that saying that makes me sound extremely pretentious. I'm not very sorry that I don't shave my legs or armpits very often and I'm not very sorry about the implications that gives regarding what else I don't shave very often either. I'm not very sorry that I'm human and I'm not very sorry that I think we should all stop pretending that we're not. I'm not very sorry that I'm in love with music and I'm not very sorry that I'm only a little bit sorry about never learning how to play music. I'm not very sorry that for some reason I feel so connected to humanity but at the same time I feel very disconnected. I'm not very sorry that I sometimes think I'm an alien and that so are you. I'm not very sorry that I love clothes a little bit too much for someone who is even on the best of days a firm believer in an almost nihilistic approach to an anarcho-libertarian utopia hybrid world. I'm not very sorry that I hate doctors and I'm not very sorry that I have a disease that forces me to interact with them on a regular basis. I'm not very sorry that I believe that in order to know anything you must question and maybe even destroy everything you think you know. And I'm not very sorry that I think therefore I am (atleast I think I do) and I'm not very sorry that I hate Descartes. I'm not very sorry that I have too much time on my hands but I don't get done with nearly as much as I want to. I'm not very sorry that I have the same problems as most people and I'm not very sorry that I don't complain about them as much as other people do. And I'm not very sorry that when I started to type this that I had something completely different in mind and that it grew completely out of my control.